The second candle has been lit and it is officially two weeks until Christmas. I seriously do not know where this year has gone to. I'm not entirely sure if I at some point happened to fall off the face of the earth for a while and lost a couple of months in the confusion. I just don't feel like its been another twelve months already.
The Christmas preparations is halfway done now and my overseas gifts have been sent. But not without me having to argue with the lady in the post office that my package had the address on the customs slip which was stuck properly on to the package by yours truly, therefore logically the package did not need any address to be written on the address field on the actual box itself. The lady was pointing out that i needed to have the address written on the box for the whole posting process to work. I am fully trusting in the postal systems capabilities to deliver my package to the end destination with only the customs slip as a reference to where it needs to go to because i know they don't pull the top layer off they have their own tab attached underneath on a second layer. However, the lady took a bit of convincing and before being convinced of what i was trying to tell her, she ended up being quietly directed to another customer by her manager as i think he saw me getting more and more frustrated from across the back of the room. He then calmly helped me with getting the package on its way with not so much as a raised eyebrow and finished it all off with a smiling *Have a nice day*. I do appreciate him stepping in and in the end making me feel like my package had been taken care of. Sometimes i think i might just have bad luck in communicating with people as i seem to be either not understood at all like i am speaking Alien, or misunderstood to the point that I just feel the need of giving up on the discussion all together and leave the area for a time ranging from 5 minutes to a couple of weeks. Working as a customs operations clerk I refuse to go to a place dealing with any form of transportation and try to take away the employees right to an opinion, or take away the fact that i am their customer and that they are providing their services to me. But when i know how a system works like the transportation system and customs, It is really hard for me to just let it go past me if someone tells me things that is not necessarily true. I feel the need to correct them and i don't think that's necessarily a very good thing to do, because i always walk out of the situation feeling disappointed about myself for not being able to leave it alone.
As i started out, Christmas is almost here, and today we lit the second candle.The cat still has not climbed the tree so i hope we are safe from those kinds of things throughout the whole festive season. Last weekend we bought all the decorations for our Christmas tree. We had a vote and the theme of the decorations were 'snowy winters night' with as little glued on glitter as possible. because that only comes off everywhere. I have to say i am very happy with the result.
We still have no Christmas star at the top of the tree because we didn't manage to find a good one, but I think people would agree that its the star that makes the tree. So any odd star would not make the Christmas magic happen. We will keep looking for one.
Yesterday Me, Mike and mikes brother went to see the Mocking Jay part 1 at the movies, it was a really good movie and i just thought that they should have released part 1 and 2 at the same time so you could watch them back to back. It was so good i wanted more.
Another thing i have thought is very good recently is a computer game called Risk of rain. Its an Indie side-scroller game where you are a space traveler trying to survive on a planet for as long as possible travelling through different areas and researching all the different creatures that wants to kill you on the way. Its a new game with 8-bit pixelation and it feels like a very nostalgic game over all, last but not least they do have a long distance server connection which means you can connect with your friend via IP addresses like you used to do in games before all of them went to the*log in to play online with people you probably would never meet in your entire life or ever talk to again* kind of way. I think the old games were more relaxing because you played with friends, and had fun together. Instead of getting paired up with some random person that's half-drunk and you can hear them chew on something and shout obscenities in the mic between every third word while you try to play the game quietly as a normal human being.
Other than that i have been studying for my final test for this semester, its due the 11th of December so i will be doing a lot of studying at night times.
Today's song:
CHVRCHES - Recover
The Christmas preparations is halfway done now and my overseas gifts have been sent. But not without me having to argue with the lady in the post office that my package had the address on the customs slip which was stuck properly on to the package by yours truly, therefore logically the package did not need any address to be written on the address field on the actual box itself. The lady was pointing out that i needed to have the address written on the box for the whole posting process to work. I am fully trusting in the postal systems capabilities to deliver my package to the end destination with only the customs slip as a reference to where it needs to go to because i know they don't pull the top layer off they have their own tab attached underneath on a second layer. However, the lady took a bit of convincing and before being convinced of what i was trying to tell her, she ended up being quietly directed to another customer by her manager as i think he saw me getting more and more frustrated from across the back of the room. He then calmly helped me with getting the package on its way with not so much as a raised eyebrow and finished it all off with a smiling *Have a nice day*. I do appreciate him stepping in and in the end making me feel like my package had been taken care of. Sometimes i think i might just have bad luck in communicating with people as i seem to be either not understood at all like i am speaking Alien, or misunderstood to the point that I just feel the need of giving up on the discussion all together and leave the area for a time ranging from 5 minutes to a couple of weeks. Working as a customs operations clerk I refuse to go to a place dealing with any form of transportation and try to take away the employees right to an opinion, or take away the fact that i am their customer and that they are providing their services to me. But when i know how a system works like the transportation system and customs, It is really hard for me to just let it go past me if someone tells me things that is not necessarily true. I feel the need to correct them and i don't think that's necessarily a very good thing to do, because i always walk out of the situation feeling disappointed about myself for not being able to leave it alone.
That leads me in to the next paragraph of today. I have been doing a bit, or maybe more than a bit, of soul searching and discovery over the past week. I have discovered a bit more about whats driving me as a person, and why i feel like i feel about certain things. Some of the things being my work, my life right now and what i would like it to be. To be honest i have also been struggling with the death of my brother allot and have been struggling for a long time now. This week its been a bit different. Its no longer a brick of lead in the middle of my chest pulling me down in to the depths of despair. Its now moved to my head in the form of hopes and wishes and what if's. I don't know if that is because i have run out of tears and its going to stay there or if its just moved there temporarily for a bit of a change of view. And yes i do cry, like i think any human being does at some point in their life if they feel sad. I just hate crying in front of anyone so most people never see that side of me. If i have cried in front of you, count yourself privileged. The pain of this whole thing has changed but its still there, and it is very much real and sometimes quite raw. I did a grief test where if you had 0 to 25 points you had little to small indication you might have complicated grief, and my score? It ended up shooting through the roof and landed on 42 points. And i also want to quote a bit of what it said in the text below. I Quote:
*This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it may be beneficial for you to seek a professional consultation from a trained mental health professional in your community soon, especially if you find these symptoms interfering your daily life or emotional well-being.*; End of quote.
*This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it may be beneficial for you to seek a professional consultation from a trained mental health professional in your community soon, especially if you find these symptoms interfering your daily life or emotional well-being.*; End of quote.
I wouldn't say I would put my faith in an online quiz on a medical website, but i have been thinking of maybe talking to someone if i do not feel better soon. I felt this even before i took the quiz. The problem being, the time you spend talking to someone is very expensive and i just don't feel like i am willing to spend that kind of money on something that i could possibly just figure out myself.
I am sorry the first bit of this post didn't turn out to be very happy, i just felt like it needed to be said. Or written.As i started out, Christmas is almost here, and today we lit the second candle.The cat still has not climbed the tree so i hope we are safe from those kinds of things throughout the whole festive season. Last weekend we bought all the decorations for our Christmas tree. We had a vote and the theme of the decorations were 'snowy winters night' with as little glued on glitter as possible. because that only comes off everywhere. I have to say i am very happy with the result.
Yesterday Me, Mike and mikes brother went to see the Mocking Jay part 1 at the movies, it was a really good movie and i just thought that they should have released part 1 and 2 at the same time so you could watch them back to back. It was so good i wanted more.
Another thing i have thought is very good recently is a computer game called Risk of rain. Its an Indie side-scroller game where you are a space traveler trying to survive on a planet for as long as possible travelling through different areas and researching all the different creatures that wants to kill you on the way. Its a new game with 8-bit pixelation and it feels like a very nostalgic game over all, last but not least they do have a long distance server connection which means you can connect with your friend via IP addresses like you used to do in games before all of them went to the*log in to play online with people you probably would never meet in your entire life or ever talk to again* kind of way. I think the old games were more relaxing because you played with friends, and had fun together. Instead of getting paired up with some random person that's half-drunk and you can hear them chew on something and shout obscenities in the mic between every third word while you try to play the game quietly as a normal human being.
Other than that i have been studying for my final test for this semester, its due the 11th of December so i will be doing a lot of studying at night times.
Today's song:
CHVRCHES - Recover
Glad you found the game Risk of Rain; I think it's awesome too!
ReplyDeleteHope you're going to be fine soon, don't let depression claw itself into you. Have a merry Christmas!